Today is your 34th birthday and for some reason I was a bit "blue" today. Perhaps because it has been 5 months since I have seen you, perhaps acknowledging your getting older meaning I am getting older too or perhaps I am watching Melissa caring for your nephew and it brings back so many memories of when you first made me a mother. Whatever the reason, I longed to see your smile, hear your laugh and share some snuggles with you.
It was not a simple choice, dad and I moving to Arizona. It was certainly made easier by the fact that it had been 10 years since we lived so close to Melissa. It was a good move for us. Dad needed to recuperate in a warmer climate that would allow him to enjoy sunshine and not have to worry about driving to doctors and therapists in snow storms. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up the snow removal on my own. The job I was able to acquire has been so in line with my skills and I feel valuable again.
Of course our decision was made even sweeter when Melissa and Pete welcomed baby JJ into the family. It was time to give Melissa some of our time. When her water broke 4 1/2 weeks early and Pete was away, I was here to lend a hand, drive her to the hospital, be by her side until Shawna could come and then look after her pets. Don't worry, Pete got here in time to support her through the birthing process. Wait until you see Jason Jared! I have seen you enjoy little children before and I know you would be laughing at his squawks. I hope you can visit soon.
But I miss you and hope you won't forget me (I know this should be impossible with everything we have been through together in the past but I fear anyway). I would hate for you to think I have abandoned you. You are in such a loving place right now that it would have been selfish for me to insist you move with us. So as I posted your birthday wishes to facebook and pictures of you through the years, I became reflective. Am I going to neglect this blog or continue? Well, what better birthday present can I give you but to continue with Mashed Banana. Let's see if I can work this into a book, a memoir of some of the moments, the ups and downs, we experienced. Perhaps my feelings are felt by other parents of children with special needs. I don't believe I am the only one.
Happy Birthday, Jess. Thank you for being the person you are. You have given so many so much.
Love you! Mom